The critical role of the usher

One of the obvious advantages of working front-of-house at a theatre is seeing a variety of stage productions. One of the difficulties is when a customer engages in conversation with you about the production… and asks your opinion.

Initially you would imagine this desirable. At last, somebody eager to have a conversation. If you have high regard for the production then you can freely exclaim a flood of superlatives: how “the script is innovative”; how “the acting is superb”; the set “visually exhilarating”. It is a joy to be able to share mutual appreciation. It is a joy even amidst the incongruous situation of lauding over “the seamlessly multi-layered script” whilst administering change for two strawberry ice creams and a packet of Jelly Babies.

BUT. what about when you have little regard for the production? What do you say? Is the usher allowed to be critic… critical?

One of the rules of working front-of-house is that you don’t voice any negative opinions. If you want to save your job, that is.

Particularly difficult is during the incoming when a patron asks “is it good?” as you check their ticket. The question could have a rhetorical tone but a response is still expected. One lie – sorry, reply – would be to say (big smile): “I haven’t had a chance to see it yet, sir. But I am looking forward to it.”

The next obstacle is if one is asked an opinion during the interval. A useful tactic is to throw the impetus back on the patron: “How are you enjoying it, Madam?” If they are enjoying it you follow their lead and like what they like. If they are not enjoying it you restrain from agreeing and remain diplomatic: “Oh that’s a shame, Madam… sometimes one is disappointed… you can’t like everything… that’s the nature of art I suppose.”

You may be thinking it easy just to say how wonderful the play is, despite the truth. No. This has its own risks. After all, what if the patron sees the flaws you do? It is not unusual for them to hunt you down at the interval or the end, intent on unleashing their disappointment on you. There’s many a fearful usher known to cower behind a pillar or kiosk trying desperately to avoid a disgruntled spectator determined to blame the whole sorry spectacle on them!

Theatres traditionally have critics. One is naturally going to have an opinion. But, as an usher, you keep it to yourself.

In terms of the usher saving his job, I shall leave it to Oscar Wilde: “A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”