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If I were 22: Jennifer Jackson

Meet as many people as you can, and put your self-esteem in your own hands, not the hands of others: advice from Jennifer Jackson for young professionals.

Jennifer Jackson
6 min read

When I was 22, I knew no-one in the industry. I didn’t really know how to get into the industry. So my advice: go to workshops. Meet people. Talk to people. The first workshop I did after drama school my sister paid for because I was skint. After that, when I found a practitioner/professional I was interested in, I would go to their workshops. Not to try to get a job (you are wasting the experience if you go into a workshop to ‘audition’ – it is so transparent anyway), but to learn and meet likeminded people. Those early workshops led me to people who became good friends, collaborators, and sounding boards. My theatre family.

Most of my work has come through recommendation, and most of those have been from people I met on a course, or workshop, or a talk. They can change the direction of your career too (my interest in movement directing came out of being in so many workshop environments). So even if you are working back to back, invest in yourself as an artist, continue to develop and to push yourself out of your comfort zone – it doesn’t always happen on jobs.

I was in a one woman show recently for Openworks Theatre. Being the only performer in rehearsals can be an intense experience. It is hard not to doubt, or punish yourself. The Director, Abigail Graham, suggested we do 10 minutes of mindfulness as a company every day. Having time to clear your mind and settle your thoughts was so valuable for me, especially when the pressure was on. I wish I had discovered it sooner. It is something I am trying to incorporate into my daily life (hard when our jobs are so chaotic, I know). It is only 10 minutes and it can be a lifeboat.

If mindfulness is not for you… do the things that give you some peace as a human being. Exercise, take time to stand next to the sea, get out of your usual environment into the greenery, have a lovely cup of tea, see friends, see family, write a list of good things that have happened to you in the last year, dance until you have nothing left to give – whatever it takes.

You are good enough, you deserve to be there; no-one is going to find you out, realise you are a charlatan, or send you home. This business is hard. It’s had me in tears and on the edge of a breakdown many times. People have said to me, “you need to develop a tough skin”. But I’ll be honest, I can’t turn on an “emotional force field” at will.

I think there are bigger issues around self-esteem here, and how we get a battering as actors/performers/creatives. I used to think that getting a rejection was the result of something being wrong with me. What I have learned since is that those knock backs are often nothing to do with you. Unpack those negative thoughts a little. Don’t ignore those demons, the ones that miraculously disappear when you get a nice job – they will come back to bite you on the ass if you don’t look ‘em in the eye. Put your self-esteem in your own hands, not in the hands of others.

Sometimes you will have to turn down a job that pays very little (but is something you really believe in), for something that is a longer project, better money, or whatever. It can feel like selling out. Especially if the money job doesn’t float your boat, you can feel like you are letting someone down, being snobby, or losing out on an opportunity… Be kind to yourself and accept that if you can’t do it this time, then you can’t do it this time. Solvency is not to be sniffed at.

Trying to be an artist is hard – we all know how tricky it is trying to make rent, or pay for websites, materials, affiliations, unions… the list goes on. The people who have to let you go should understand that you have to pay your bills, and if they don’t, then they need to be more compassionate. We work a lot for free in the creative fields, and those of us without a family fortune have to find a way to stay in the game.

Obviously, be true to your values (there are certain corporations I wouldn’t advertise for), and remember it’s about balance… pursue the things you do want to make when the cheque clears!

There is no good time to start doing this. Finding funding is becoming harder and harder. But… It is possible. If you have a creative itch to be a maker, just do it. Try. It may not be what you imagined, but you have to take the risk. Trust your instincts and surround yourself with people who challenge you and who are different from you. It has taken years for me to be the lead artist on a project. My family show ‘Penguin! Elephant!’ was my first foray into directing and it was a real joy to make (plus I learned shed-loads about how work is made from the place of responsibility). Do it. Particularly those of us who are currently under-represented in creative media right now. The narratives will only change if we change it. Make work.

Jennifer Jackson is an associate artist with Openworks Theatre. She recently directed 'Penguin! Elephant!' for Goblin Theatre, and is currently developing a show with Look Left Look Right.
www.jenniferjackson.net
www.openworkstheatre.co.uk
Tw: @jenoirrenoir