Need to know

Q I disagreed with my boss about something last autumn – and I probably wasn’t very mature about it. I did apologise, but since then she has started treating me differently. I don’t get to see her as often, she doesn’t include me in meetings which I used to attend as a matter of course, and I get the feeling that she has written me off. I like my job but I need her help and guidance and I don’t feel I can ask for it any more. What should I do?

If your apology included a clear acknowledgement that your behaviour may have been inappropriate, and this was accepted, then your boss appears to be punishing you. A line manager demonstrating constructive leadership would instigate an honest discussion about the disagreement, not embark on a campaign of exclusion and isolation – common features of workplace bullying. Your boss may be minimising contact with you to avoid the risk of confrontation, but this is a clumsy, unprofessional way of managing the situation.
Firstly, make a written record of the things that have made you feel shut out including:
• the lack of direct contact (how has this changed from previously?)
• exclusion from meetings (how many and over what period of time?)
• anything else that has happened (or not happened) that makes you feel you have been ‘written off’.

Seek a meeting with your boss to discuss the specific incident that occurred and that you believe has sparked changes in the workplace. Be clear, calm and confident in your approach: be prepared to apologise again – this time for how it might have made her feel, and for your behaviour, if relevant, rather than the fact of the disagreement itself. You should outline the precise changes you have noted, explaining how these are detrimental to you, and ask directly for the help and guidance you need to do your job well. With luck, you will be able to upwardly manage your boss.
If the meeting is to no avail, and the situation does not improve, you will need to keep making a record of what is occurring, as a failure to address the issue successfully is likely to lead to conflict escalation, a deteriorating workplace atmosphere, negatively affected colleagues and, eventually, a full-blown bullying scenario, with all its unpleasant consequences.